So, I finally finished “Goblet of Fire”. After dragging through the first half, I read the second half in about 24 hours. And, like most things, it did get better. Here are my thoughts.
1. Book started out great. Creepy dream, murder of the gardener, Voldemort rattling around with the snake…I was delighted that finally, something was happening and I had reached the “oh, the writing totally gets better you’ll see” point everyone has promised me.
2. Quidditch World Cup!!! You know how I feel about quidditch. The port keys are cool, the Weasleys are great, and I was generally very happy to partake in QWC. Then, things got lame.
3. House elf summon Voldemort? Don’t make me laugh. As soon as a house-elf showed up, I soured on this book. So imagine how happy I was when the SPEW thing emerged…
4. Why does JK insist on this format WHY? She sets up some unbreakable rule, then Harry breaks it, to the surprise of nobody ever. Why call it a Tri-Wizard tournament and go on for ages about how nobody but nobody under 18 can be in it, make up the whole stupid beard growing curse, then have Harry be chosen? If you make up your own world, be consistent! The trouble is, she is consistent…consistent in breaking her own rules.
5. The school kids turning against Harry over and over at the drop of a hat is getting so old. Have you ever MET Harry Potter? He is a gosh darn saint and cares only for others. The idea he’s hurt anyone at all is ludicrous. He’s annoyingly perfect (which would be okay to hate him for, by the way) but not a bad guy at all. I am super over people (besides Slytherin) assuming he’s a bad guy.
My husband hates the Peanuts because he says Charlie Brown is an angel and everyone constantly takes a dump on him for it. I disagree with him on CB, but see where he’s coming from. It’s exhausting to keep pitying poor Harry. Why won’t they just leave him alone? I’ve heard there’s a scene where he gets all cocky and rude (a luck potion is involved?) and I can’t wait. I want him to stop being so darn nice and self-sacrificing. I can’t even identify with him because he’s so pure and noble.
5. SPEW. For real. This plot was transparently supposed to deal with slavery/oppression (much like the giant plot, which I feel was executed more gracefully and accomplished the same thing) but just made Hermione look stupid. Everyone says the elves like it, and lo and behold, it turns out they pretty much do! Nobody, on the other hand, likes Hermione, and this episode proves that.
6. I’m bothered by the fact that JK clearly doesn’t like Hermione. She makes it abundantly clear that she has no friends, is ugly, and even the teachers don’t really like her. The SPEW thing really drives home that we’re supposed to laugh at Hermione, not with her. Oh, there’s poor misguided Hermione, fighting for a stupid cause. She gets a “she’s all that” makeover in time for the ball, when the boys finally notice her. I found it a little insulting. And I LIKE Viktor. I wish Hermione stayed with him instead of Useless Ron. Oh well…
7. The underwater challenge of the tournament reminded me why I like these books–JK paints gorgeous pictures. The scene with Ron and Hermione tied up under the lake, held hostage by mermaids, was spooky and very cool. I love the magic she does with individual scenes…I just wish she was as gifted with character development.
8. Ugh just expel Malfoy already! What a little turd. Moody turning him into a ferret was my favorite part of HP of all time. Speaking of Moody…
9. I liked him! Why did he have to be Barty in disguise? Why couldn’t he have been Moody the whole time and only Barty in the last scene? I felt annoyed/betrayed that Moody was so cool and nice to Harry but it wasn’t actually him. The only one who really looks after Harry is Lupin. And he’s gone (though o know he’s coming back, just to die. Thanks Obama.)
10. I feel bad for Cedric. He seemed nice. Not a lot of chance to get to know him, and it stinks he had to die in the service of Shit Getting Real. Poor kid. At least he gets born again as a vampire and falls in love with Bella Swan later.
11. The Voldemort battle was pretty thrilling. Although trotting out Harry’s parents to up the stakes every time JK is too lazy to write an ending is going to get tired fast.
12. Poor Neville! It was obvious his parents got cruciatus-ed, but I didn’t know they were still alive. I can’t wait for his big moment. I know it’s in book 7 but I can be patient. (Also he’s the only hot one IRL so who’s laughing now?)
What will happen next? Who else will die? Will Harry ever get a real girlfriend? Will he and Ron admit their love for each other? What other unbreakable rules will harry break? Who knows? I guess I’ll find out. Thanks for reading!
Laura Sook Duncombe, Unabridged 